It is the most difficult thing in the world to me, this "maintaining" thing. I would much rather start something, finish it, have it be done, look at it and think, my what a wonderful thing I have accomplished, walk away from it and rest for the evening.
This is all I want every day of my life.
I do not receive this gift. Ever.
I do the dishes. There they are clean and piled up on the other side of the sink.
I put them away. In walks my son with an almost empty sippy cup.
Instant defeat.
I pick up toys. As I am putting them away, an 18 month-old monster is ripping them out of my hands to throw them on the floor.
Anger. Defeat.
I clean the bathroom. A precious gangly 3 year old hops in the bathroom pulls down his pants and pees all over the floor, side of the toilet, and cabinet. "Oops, mama, I missed."
Can someone tell me what the point of all of this "maintenance" is?
Because I would love to stop getting angry at my family for wearing clothes the day after I have just finished cleaning, folding, and putting away 16 tons of laundry.
I understand that many people do not view things this way. If you are one of these people, then I do not understand you. How do you just continue to put things away and pull weeds and do dish after dish after dish without feeling completely defeated?
More importantly, I really don't understand is how this only affects the things that I don't enjoy doing. Or things that I'm not good at, don't care much about, etc. Because I don't mind eating when I know I'm just going to burn off the energy or poop it out. And I don't mind sleeping when I know that I'm just going to wake up again to live a busy day and get tired again. And I am very good at both of those things. I am an excellent eater, and maybe an even better sleeper.
I look forward to eating and sleeping. I know those are infinite pursuits. I will always need rest. I will always get hungry again. So really, eating and sleeping are the same as making a bed or doing dishes. The only difference is that I love one and loathe the other. What it comes down to, and what it always comes down to, I guess, is that I must change my attitude about it.
What if I don't want to change my attitude? What if I don't know how? What if I measure myself by the amount of things I accomplish in any given day and hate myself because I never accomplish anything because the only tasks that could be accomplished are relentless dishes and laundry?
Well, Em, then you are destined to be angry and defeated. I guess I will have to change my attitude.
Crap.
The worst part of changing my attitude is that it will have to stay changed. And that requires... maintenance.
I understand that many people do not view things this way. If you are one of these people, then I do not understand you. How do you just continue to put things away and pull weeds and do dish after dish after dish without feeling completely defeated?
More importantly, I really don't understand is how this only affects the things that I don't enjoy doing. Or things that I'm not good at, don't care much about, etc. Because I don't mind eating when I know I'm just going to burn off the energy or poop it out. And I don't mind sleeping when I know that I'm just going to wake up again to live a busy day and get tired again. And I am very good at both of those things. I am an excellent eater, and maybe an even better sleeper.
I look forward to eating and sleeping. I know those are infinite pursuits. I will always need rest. I will always get hungry again. So really, eating and sleeping are the same as making a bed or doing dishes. The only difference is that I love one and loathe the other. What it comes down to, and what it always comes down to, I guess, is that I must change my attitude about it.
What if I don't want to change my attitude? What if I don't know how? What if I measure myself by the amount of things I accomplish in any given day and hate myself because I never accomplish anything because the only tasks that could be accomplished are relentless dishes and laundry?
Well, Em, then you are destined to be angry and defeated. I guess I will have to change my attitude.
Crap.
The worst part of changing my attitude is that it will have to stay changed. And that requires... maintenance.
I felt the same way when I worked at the court. I would have my desk all caught up, clean when I left work and when I returned the next morning it was loaded up with paperwork. More crimes were committed overnight. I often thought that the President should declare a national "behave yourself day" just to give the courts a rest.
ReplyDeleteI read this and I thought to myself..."hmm em hates things that require maintenance, so she started a blog. I wonder how that's going to work out?"
ReplyDeleteKidding of course em, love you and your writing. I've subscribed!
-s