Fertilizer---When life is like a pile of cow manure…

I used to live across the street from a dairy farm when I was a kid.  I remember asking my mom what those huge stinky round covered tarps were.  I could not believe it when she told me.

“That’s cow manure, honey.”

“What’s manure?”

“Cow poop.”

“Cow poop!?”

“Why is Mr. Heimerdinger saving it under those big tarps?”

“Well, he’ll use it to help his crops grow and other farmers will buy it from him to fertilize their fields.”

“He sells poop?”

“Yep.”

“Ew.”

But now that I think about it, what a brilliant, incredible design God created.  Nothing is wasted.  Everything that cow puts in his body either gets used as energy by the cow or gets crapped out and used by the earth to grow plants and provide food for people or animals. 

God did this everywhere; look at the water cycle, the trees in the fall, the way the earth spins so that every part of the earth gets day and night.  Nothing gets wasted.

Think about growing.  What makes plants grow?  What makes the soil have the right pH balance and all of that?  Feces.  Decaying organic matter.  Worm poop.  Used coffee grounds.

What if God made us the same way?  What if God made our lives like that?  What if God provides the manure of life to help us grow? 

Think about the last time you changed something about your life.  I’ll bet what motivated that change was something that my friend, Mike, calls “The Suck Factor.”  Mike’s suck factor theory goes like this: We won’t change unless the amount our lives suck is greater when our lives stay the same than if our lives change.

So… the last time you changed something was when you figured ‘it’s going to continue to suck if I continue to do this, but if I change this, then it may not suck as badly.’  

That's the way it is for me... I change and grow most when God 'fertilizes' me.  

Oh poop... There's just so much to it.

Smear, Shmear...not on my bagel.

What is up with Einstein Bros. Bagels, or any bagel place for that matter, calling cream cheese, "schmear?"

Seriously.

I am not trying to be disgusting, but who can possibly put white goo on a bagel that has the same name as a yearly vag scraping?

Don't act like you don't have the same correlation in your brain whenever you go to the bagel place.  You do.  You just shove it down so that you can stomach it, because, let's face it, schmear is tasty.  If it's called something else.

I frequent Einstein Bros. because they give me coupons twice a month for free bagels and free coffee.   And their green chili bagel is super delicious.  But I never, ever get a bagel schmeared with something.  I like cream cheese.  I probably would like all of their different schmears.  But the fact that they are called "schmear" is an awful marketing move.

They even have a giant poster of a bald man scratching his head wearing a "Carpe Shmearem" apron with the caption, "So Many Shmears, So Little Time."

I just can't bring myself to think about where he's harvesting all of these shmears.

Gross.

Maybe we should start a petition to help them better market their cream cheese spreads.

On Being a Cheerleader...

So, I just posted about my friend, Marz, being like my own personal cheerleader, and I realized, I have several of those in my life, and that characteristic of telling another person that they are really good at something is kind of hard to come by, and it's really hard to have without someone else's support....

What I mean to say is... When someone else sees something good in me, I am better able to see the good in others and say it out loud.  When no one sees the good in me, I, not only see the negative in myself, I also see the negative things in others, even if there is mostly good.

And I have a few awesome "good-seers" for friends, like, Kelly Jones-Wagy, who makes me do stuff I wouldn't do unless she told me I could... like competing in a triathlon, which I now love and want everyone I know to compete in one with me.  She's always telling me how awesome my kids are and how awesome of a writer I am and all this stuff that I doubt about myself and my abilities...

Or, Caroline, who is always begging me to put the work in to get published.

Or Kimi, who can't believe that I would 'just make bread from scratch.'

Or my neighbor, Ali, who can't believe I would 'just invite (her) over for dinner because (she) is a new neighbor and that's just so nice.'

Or Wandee who tells me I'm amazing for helping her when I come over to her house, eat her food, and glue on six ribbons to an insanely beautiful set-up of bird-house nests and decorations and ridiculously intricate cake details that she created.  Or who calls me for the SOLE REASON of telling me that I looked amazing when she saw me earlier that day.... WHO DOES THAT?!  Wandee does.

Or my sister-in-law, Lisa, who tells me every time she sees me that she applies the "What would Emma do?" method to her parenting, when I have never ever had to do many of the things she's had to do as a parent, and I'm sure I wouldn't handle them with nearly the grace and gratitude that she has...

Or my other sister-in-law, Melissa, who always tells me if my butt's smaller or my hair's cuter than last time she saw me when she is clearly way more hip and stylish in her 30s than I have ever been in my whole life.

And I could go on and on..

What a cool thing that I have so many cool women in my life that are such great "seers of good," "noticers of effort."

And yet, I am not a "seer of good" myself.  Most of the time, I am telling myself how pathetic I am because I don't get the dishes or laundry done.  (Newsflash, neither are ever done.)  Or how incapable I am because I didn't call the doctor to reschedule this or get that chapter written or call that friend to tell her it was going to be okay or put that away or go on that hike in 5 years or finish that degree or make that child poop in the potty every time or...

And I think I'm not accomplishing anything because there is no clear beginning, middle, and end to anything I do currently.  But... I guess, maybe I'm just in the middle of everything that I began a long time ago and there is no end in sight.  This is really hard for me for some reason.

I am writing a book.  I think I started it 3 years ago in my mind, and I have no idea when it will be finished.
I am working out.  I will never be done working out, and the idea of "reaching a 'goal weight'" is nowhere in sight.
I am researching.  I am not sure where it is going or what I am hoping to learn, but I'm reading and looking up stuff and learning new things.
I am parenting.  The boys are not perfect.  They are not awful.  And what they are is not even an indicator of who I am, which is hard to understand.
I am working.  I travel all over the "Great State of Texas"  (Great is, of course, referring to size;) training teachers.
I am cooking.  Generally 3 meals a day, 7 days a week.
I am cleaning... when I am not so angry about the fact that nothing ever stays clean, to actually go through with cleaning it.
I am writing poetry at least once a month when I remember to respond to the prompt Bill sends to me.
I am harvesting a garden.
I started a writer's group.
I am going to present to a group of MOPS moms in two weeks on my eventual book...
I am scheduling playdates.
I am volunteering at Danny's school.
I am being a nurse to an almost 2-year-old with a broken arm
I am planning two vacations and parties.
I am attempting to be a good wife, sister, friend, niece...

Could it be possible that I have completely unrealistic expectations for myself?  Because I get mad at myself for dropping things or having to reschedule things or forgetting that I made that plan with this person or this didn't get cleaned or put away...

And I think I should be able to do it all... And I think everyone in my immediate circle either 1)IS DOING everything that I can't do a good job doing or 2) SHOULD BE ABLE to do everything that I expect myself to be able to do.

Weird.  And totally not fair.

I guess, maybe the point is that I should be a better "good-seer" to others, and maybe my expectations will be more realistic, and my recognition of things deserving of a compliment or helping hand will be better.  And that makes every relationship I have more positive and... more fun.

And I am always up for more fun.... Give me an "F"! Give me a "U"! Give me an "N"!...

(I started writing it and wanted to end at the "U", but then I realized I was asking for an "F-U."  and that's just not good.)  

I'm going to make a conscious effort to see more cool things in others, especially those who I usually have unrealistic expectations for.

Anybody up for trying this experiment with me?

My BFF is a Good Egg.

My best girl friend has two cats, two dogs, and two chickens.  I have no animals in my house.  At all.  At least, not on purpose.

My best girl friend has no children.  I have two.

My best girl friend is single.  I am most definitely, without a doubt, married.

My best girl friend enjoys pretty much every activity and supports every cause I used to support in my pre-mommy life.  I don't think I actively pursue any cause except my children's appropriate up-bringing, and I don't consistently do anything I used to love and live to do.

Some days I am envious of the life she has.  I miss hiking and playing in the mountains.  I miss eating vegetables for dinner without someone else wondering, "Uh, no meat?".  I miss having the time and energy to devote to reading and creating and spending an hour over coffee in the morning with a good book or a journal...

I remember when I thought being a stay at home mommy would afford me that time.

I remember when I thought being a stay at home mommy would afford me the time to do everything I ever wanted to do.

It's funny, those things that make us friends.  Things like mutual interests (in the case of Marz and I) good conversation, good coffee, mountain adventure, travel, good books, creativity... What's more interesting is what makes two people stay friends.  I still love all of those things, but I only experience one of them on a regular basis-- good coffee.  (Yes, I "travel" a lot for work, but since it's always to Houston and I can't stand Houston, it doesn't really count.)  And let me tell you, I LOVE my coffee time.  But what is it that makes two people stay friends?

Marz and I are very similar creatures.  We're both the youngest of 4.  We both love to be silly.  We both love adventure.  We both love to create and look at beautiful things.

When Marz and I first met, we were in "the same place in life." First year in college.  First time away from home and independent, etc.

Now, we are seemingly on two completely different planets when it comes to "places in life" and yet, if someone handed me an all expenses paid vacation for one to go anywhere for a week, even though she just left, I would go visit her.

And we never talk on the phone.  We don't write many long emails or letters.

But she knows exactly how I take my coffee, and I didn't stress out for even half a second when I didn't have time to clean the bathroom before she came over.

These, to me, are two of the characteristics of an everlasting friendship.  1.  A deep understanding of another person's needs and having the ability to meet them. 2.  Unconditional acceptance of another person's true self.

This is why friendships last or don't... at least mine.

Even though Marz and I are in pretty different places in our lives, we are still best friends.  12 years later.  And she still brings out the best in me.  I am more fun when she's around.  I'm more inspired.  I'm a better writer.  I'm more efficient.  I like my kids more.  I like my husband more.  I like Colorado more.

And I don't know if it's because she's like my own personal cheerleader and says things like, "It's amazing that you even have a garden and grow your own tomatoes."  (When she basically has an entire vegetable farm, complete with fruit trees and a chicken coop, in her backyard.)  or "Wow, your kids hiked 3 miles without complaining or whining."  (When she was the one singing them songs or making up games for Daniel to be entertained and modeling an excited and grateful attitude the entire 4 1/2 hours it took to hike about 3 miles and not really get to any actual destination.)

All I know is that she reminds me of one of the coolest and most creative times of my life, and when I hang out with her, I am inspired to be more like her.  Except, I don't think I want to own my own chickens, even if they do make great eggs.

Monsters vs. Uncle Kenny

Monsters-- 1 dislocated elbow with possible fracture before the age of 2.... worried that I will be on a first name basis with all of the doctors at Children's Hospital before too long because of his complete disregard for  safety.

Uncle Kenny-- Dislocated shoulder in high school, had more stitches than I can count, broken back, broken arm because he thought he could fly like Superman...

Monsters-- Gets away with everything because he makes his mama laugh.
Uncle Kenny-- Gets away with everything because he makes everybody laugh.

Monsters-- Stops everything and pumps his fist when he hears the U of M fight song.
Uncle Kenny-- Loves U of M Football.

Monsters-- Has a million nicknames.
Uncle Kenny-- Has a million nicknames.

Monsters--has a squishy nose.
Uncle Kenny-- has a squishy nose.

Monsters-- 97th percentile in height, 90th in weight for his age group
Uncle Kenny---...Let's just say they have similar body types.

Monsters--Loves to sit on the couch and watch football.
Uncle Kenny-- Loves to sit on the couch and watch football.

Monsters-- Wakes up in the morning or from nap and says, "Jooose."  (Juice)
Uncle Kenny-- Used to wake up every morning and say, "Jooose."

Not sure whether he's so much like Kenny Nolan because he is named Nolan or if we just named him the right name cause we knew before he was born.  Whatever the case may be, it is starting to freak me out that Nolan and Kenny Nolan are so much alike.