Peculiar Orifice Oozing Problems

My children have orifice oozing problems.  Not sure if it’s allergies or just kid stuff, but their noses are always running, and they are always slobbering all over something. 

One of my least favorite moves both of my boys make is when they are given a treat that they can hold in their hands, they love on that treat.  They savor that treat.  If it is the last M&M they are given, it could last an hour.  Seriously one M&M.  One hour of dripping slobbery brightly-colored chocolaty saliva on sticky hands that touch everything in the house if I am not hovering over that one teeny tiny M&freakinM.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my favorite thing about summertime is watching my little boys outside and filthy.  Blue popsicle that dripped all the way to elbows, then caked in dirt so that there are brown rings of filth all over arms and legs.  That is exactly how a boy should look in the summertime… OUTSIDE.  Maybe that’s why it’s a summertime thing, because you can be outside all summer.

I’m wondering, though, when the oozing will end and when it ends, will I miss it?  I remember wondering when the spit up would stop.  Nolan spit up constantly for about 9 months.  It took him a long time to outgrow that, but he did.  Eventually.  And I miss the itty bitty newborn spitup thing because it was cute and precious and sweet.  But the drooling and the slobbering and the runny nose thing… It seems as though this stage will last forever.

The worst one in this stage, that seems will never end is pee and poop.  Daniel is potty-trained.  He pees and poops in the potty almost all of the time.  Yet… I am still constantly dealing with poop.  Yesterday I was walking around my own home barefoot.

Unbeknownst to me, this hilarious, yet disgusting and loyal mound of wonder was squatting at  the ready on my bedroom floor.  The teeny mound of poo was just waiting for me to walk through to change my clothes when squish.  Ah poo.  The old loyal companion.  Will you ever stay where I expect you to?  Will you always show up where I don’t want you?  Oh, Poo.  Please find your way into the potty.  Every. Single. Time.

I guess this is asking too much.  He tried.  He was doing great.  He pooped in the potty, forgot to wipe, sat on my bedroom floor to put his Handy Manny underoos back on and left his loyal friend for mama’s foot.

Oh poo.  Later that day you closed down the Rec center pool.  Ah yes, my husband’s child had an oops fart (AKA shart) on his way down the waterslide.  I think he was a little nervous.  Nevertheless, poo out of the shorts and into the pool.  Gives the phrase “Droppin the kids off at the pool” new meaning.  I think we need to do some re-teaching on that… So embarrassing.  SO EMBARRASSING.

Oh well.  Poo is a companion who is here to stay for a while.  It’s a good thing, I know.  I just wish he would stay where he belongs.  I know the day will come when I think, remember when the boys drooled all over everything and they used to say, “Snot! Mama, I have snot!”  Remember when Danny pooped in the rec center pool and closed it down?! That was kind of hilarious.  I guess that day will come when the Peculiar Orifice Oozing Problems have been solved, and the oozing is generally contained.